A veritable treasure chest of pirate updates.

Apologies to the faithful that have been checking hourly for updates. I've been busy (read: working overnights, watching samurai flicks) the last two weeks, but I resolve, to you, that my updates will be either a) more frequent, or b) . . . I was going to say "insightful" or "researched", but that sorta goes against the nature of blogging.
Anyhow, on to the newz.
Our nation's public broadcaster weighed in on piracy today... Notably, it informs us that "water covers three-quarters of the globe," and that, thank Blackbeard, there are more pirates then ever, which has led to increased shipping rates, which in turn leads to a bump at our cash registers. Now, I know we're in a cyclical economic downturn, one in which I'm more than likely to lose my job. But I'd rather pay an extra $2 dollars for my groceries and have real friggin pirates out there hassling sailors than having a marginal discount on bananas and coffee. That shit's cheap enough as it is.
What the author, one Thomas Rose, speculates is that there ought to be an international tribune to deal with arrested pirates, because these high-sea knaves are essentially stateless, but still are entitled to fundamental human rights.
This, frankly, is terrible news. Pirates aren't nearly as much of a threat to anyone's livelihood as say, terrorists, drug cartels, organized crime, or international sex predators (a field in which Canada has shone quite brightly lately).
But what they do do (ha, doodoo) is strike at the collective purse of the West. And consequentially, as well. I can't imagine there being more than 5,000 or so around the world (absolutely no basis to this estimation, but it sounds right. 5,000 pirates. Yeah.), but they've done more to actually hinder institutions, from Lloyd's to navies to the UN to whatever, then any guerrilla force or insurgent group. And they do so with remarkably few casualties.
So, potential freedom fighters and resistors around the world: piracy is your future. Embrace it.

In ships being captured, Reuters and Xinhua are both reporting on this little tidbit. This time, a Dubai-based ship. Pretty sure they can afford to pay whatever ransom is necessary if they're coming from Dubai. Also, great news for the captors of the MV Faina, that Ukrainian ship loaded with tanks, rifles, and other arms. Looks like they're getting their dues, and rightfully so. Nice colour from Xinhau, noting that the Faina is moored just offshore of the town of Hobyo, which translates to "Here, Water," although "Here, Lawlessness" and "Here, Economic Opportunity for Downtrodden Riflemen" are probably more accurate.

REAL SWASHBUCKLERS (note the coolness of the black Zodiacs leeching off of the French pleasure yacht):


FAKE PIRATES (ugh, this is more than excuse for jihad):

Happy huntin'. Also, please, someone, comment. I know at least three people read this blog, but I've yet to have one comment. First to do so gets a drink.

The biggest news of Jan. 20, 2009...

Two great articles out in the last 24 shedding some insight into the daily lives of knaves.
First, a crew member from the Sirius Star relates his two months under pirate watch. And with the quote of the still young year, Hussein al-Hamza:

"I looked down and saw eight Somali pirates in two boats, each about 18-feet-long."

"They looked scary."
...

Far more revealing into the pirate psyche is this interview from iol.co.za, clearly a bastion of the upper echelons of journalism, if domain names are any indication.
Yassin Dheere is candid about his trade as pirate kingpin, and also, impeccably aw-shucks polite.

"We held it for two weeks, then some Somali and Arab mediators stepped in to negotiate. We were convinced to take $50 000 (about R500 000) as compensation.

"Gosh! This was a huge amount for us. That inspired us and gave us an appetite for hunting ships.

"At that time we had no idea what we were doing, and we were very worried about what would happen."

Gosh? Really? I know this is translated from Somali or whatever, but you'd figure a guy who's spent most of his life either fishing for non-existent fish or trying to kidnap ships would provide a little more colour than "Gosh!"

He takes the same matter-of-fact approach to brazen prison escapes as well:

"I was also once jailed in Garowe. But my family attacked the jail and killed two of the policemen, and then in the exchange of fire I escaped with other prisoners."

Good to see that jailbreaks have held over from the late 1700s as well.

On the geopolitical side of this day in piracy, South Korea has decided to send out its navy in the peninsular country's first ever overeseas combat deployment. To fight pirates?!? Shit, the posses of Puntland must be doing better than previously thought, if they're as much of a theat to South Korea's existence as North Korea (a friendly reminder to everyone that more often than not, good fences (or demilitarized zones) make GREAT neighbours).

Wouldn't Allahu's Snackbar be a great name for a Lebanese bakery?

Pirates: b/w 1-2 million; Western society: 0

Salaam. Another coup for the good guys. Not as impressive as the Sirius Star, but these guys made more in two months of rougery than I will make in the next 20 years. Good on 'em. Towards the bottom of the story, you'll notice some impressive stats from our boys around the Horn:

"A maritime watchdog said Friday that pirates seized an unprecedented 49 ships and held nearly 900 crew members for ransom worldwide last year, mainly due to the surging number of attacks off Somalia's coast.

Seafarers suffered 293 attacks globally in 2008, up from 263 recorded in the previous year, the International Maritime Bureau said in a report from its piracy reporting center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Somali pirates were responsible for 111 of the attacks, most of which struck the Gulf of Aden, the London-based bureau said. Those attacks, aimed at hijacking vessels for ransom, peaked between September and November.

Attacks off Somalia accounted for 42 of the hijackings and 815 of the crew abducted, the report said. Other hotspots for brigands include Nigeria with 40 attacks last year and Indonesia with 28."

All in all, a banner year for the Somalis. Now, the corsairs around Indonesia really need to pick up the slack; you know when Nigeria's beating you in anything (religious warfare, oil warfare, civil warfare, and now, sea warfare) you're game is in need of a change.

I'm proposing the first annual Summit of the Pirates, kinda like that scene from the awful third instalment of Pirates of the Caribbean, but without the stereotypical costumes or Keith Richards (or maybe Keith Richards, he's obviously welcome to stop by), where the farers of the high seas can get together to discuss torture tactics, ransom negotiation skills, and the latest additions to maritime navigation.

REAL PIRATES:

FAKE PIRATES:

Fresh Hell

All sorts of goings on in the Land o' Pirates today, and, alas, we must bid adieu to a civilian casualty. To the nameless Yemeni fisherman, I pray that your death is not in vain; know that while the Russian military could lay claim to superior might than the roguish knaves piloting the seas of the Near, Middle, and Far Easts, your dying meant survival for some of the good guys.

This latest act of Russian folly means the Navy formerly known as Red has killed more civilians on the high seas in '09 than the relatively moralistic pirates.

Meanwhile, in more news of the ass-kicking variety, pirates don't take shit from no one, not even those who turn their dreams of million-dollar booty to fruition. Now, pirates operate in a bleak world where most actions lean towards the darker shades of grey. But at least they're out there hustling everyday; meanwhile, some lazy intermediaries (who apparently can't seem to get the job done all that well) sit around in Mogadishu or Haradheere (the best of the pirate lairs along the east coast of Africa), waiting to profit off of the ill-begotten profits of piracy. Wait, actually, that's pretty fucking brilliant. This new breed of pirate-pirates should make 2008 seem like the pre-Napster Internet.

Also, to Osman Farah: Straight up fucking G. I know Somalia is more or less lawless, but when Islamic militants offer to take on piracy, it takes a heaping serving of crotchcrowders to give your name and city of residence to a news agency with international publication. That's like parading around the Kabbah shirtless with a tattoo of Mohammed on your chest.

What strikes me as particularly fascinating about the holding of the Taina is that the pirates are holding a ship bursting to its seams with advanced weaponry, and yet are more than content just to take the cash and run. The lack of ideology among pirates, at least in my opinion, is their most endearing trait. While most of those who profit on the pain of others in that part of the world do so to serve Allah, their governments, or the awful synthesis of the two, pirates simply don't give a fuck about what they think. Money is money, and to pirates, if it means not skimming a few T-72s off the top, then consider them running on an empty tank (apologies for the stretched metaphor, but I needed a good way to end that sentence. If you can think of a better one, feel free to comment.)

This attitude also means they're not to keen on killin' folk. I like to think that when it does come to killin civvies, pirates do so quickly, ruthlessly, and in the back of the head with an AK.

Sunken pirate treasure pt. II

Dude's body washes ashore w. $153 k, uncle buys the village.

Ahoy!

Welcome to Pirated Material, soon to be the Internet's premier pirate-related news aggregator, commentator, and general big-upper.
First off, I have no qualifications to be coined a piracy expert of any sort (although my dad is in the Canadian Navy, and I played far too many hours of the original Sid Meier's Pirates back in the mid-90s). But the resurgence of pirates, especially off the coast of everybody's favourite failed state, Somalia, needs as much appreciation as possible.
Really, there hasn't been much in the way of sea-faring pirates since, oh, I dunno, the 19th century? That sounds about right.
But because the Horn of Africa is ripe with sea traffic and lawlessness, and international waters have always been difficult to patrol, the especially unscrupulous and profit-oriented of East Africa and southern Middle East have turned their talents to the high seas. I guess highway robbing Bedouins and Islamists isn't as profitable as it once was.
Either way, the more pirate-related headlines the better, this newsman has always said. Let us begin...
First off, that massive supertanker some crafty rogues shanghai'd last year has been released, but unfortunately, some of the fellers who made off with $3 million in ransom money are now resting, fittingly, at the bottom of the Indian Ocean after a storm blew their boat under. I know I'll be having a spot of Madeira tonight in their honour.