Fresh Hell

All sorts of goings on in the Land o' Pirates today, and, alas, we must bid adieu to a civilian casualty. To the nameless Yemeni fisherman, I pray that your death is not in vain; know that while the Russian military could lay claim to superior might than the roguish knaves piloting the seas of the Near, Middle, and Far Easts, your dying meant survival for some of the good guys.

This latest act of Russian folly means the Navy formerly known as Red has killed more civilians on the high seas in '09 than the relatively moralistic pirates.

Meanwhile, in more news of the ass-kicking variety, pirates don't take shit from no one, not even those who turn their dreams of million-dollar booty to fruition. Now, pirates operate in a bleak world where most actions lean towards the darker shades of grey. But at least they're out there hustling everyday; meanwhile, some lazy intermediaries (who apparently can't seem to get the job done all that well) sit around in Mogadishu or Haradheere (the best of the pirate lairs along the east coast of Africa), waiting to profit off of the ill-begotten profits of piracy. Wait, actually, that's pretty fucking brilliant. This new breed of pirate-pirates should make 2008 seem like the pre-Napster Internet.

Also, to Osman Farah: Straight up fucking G. I know Somalia is more or less lawless, but when Islamic militants offer to take on piracy, it takes a heaping serving of crotchcrowders to give your name and city of residence to a news agency with international publication. That's like parading around the Kabbah shirtless with a tattoo of Mohammed on your chest.

What strikes me as particularly fascinating about the holding of the Taina is that the pirates are holding a ship bursting to its seams with advanced weaponry, and yet are more than content just to take the cash and run. The lack of ideology among pirates, at least in my opinion, is their most endearing trait. While most of those who profit on the pain of others in that part of the world do so to serve Allah, their governments, or the awful synthesis of the two, pirates simply don't give a fuck about what they think. Money is money, and to pirates, if it means not skimming a few T-72s off the top, then consider them running on an empty tank (apologies for the stretched metaphor, but I needed a good way to end that sentence. If you can think of a better one, feel free to comment.)

This attitude also means they're not to keen on killin' folk. I like to think that when it does come to killin civvies, pirates do so quickly, ruthlessly, and in the back of the head with an AK.